Patio Nights with Off With Their Heads, Death To Our Enemies and The Deaf @ Minnesota Museum of American Art (St. Paul), 7 bucks, 7:00.
Old James, The Guystorm and Shovelfight @ Uptown, zero bucks, 9:00.
The Van Gobots, To Reinvent, The Men Who Control the Weather and Yachts and Planes @ the Hexagon Bar, zero bucks, 9:00.
Popcycle (CD Release), Luke's Angels and Dan Israel and the Cultivators @ Turf Club, ?? bucks, 9:00.
Loudray, Chokecherry and Steve Kaul @ Lee's Liquor Lounge, 5 bucks, 9:00.
Jazz at the Movies with Terence Blanchard Quintet @ Orchestra Hall, 45-65 bucks, 7:30. I'm going to temporarily break my rule of not talking too much shit on this blog - Terence Blanchard's scores ruin all Spike Lee movies for me. Wow. I feel really good for having gotten that off my chest. Ruin them! All!
Oh, and as per usual G.B. is playing in his Pickle Park. He'll be doing an acoustic performance. Will I be there? Hell yes. After this we will be heading down to see...
Self Sound Orchestra, Northern Cargo and Dial System @ Stasiu's, zero bucks, 9:00.
According to Wikipedia, Dave King is a drummer and composer active in Minneapolis since the 90s. He is a founding member of both Happy Apple and The Bad Plus. These, according to Wikipedia, are both jazz trios though neither plays "traditional" styles which I don't really know I guess I take to mean he sounds nothing like Buddy Rich but rather bangs out free jazz on trash cans but fuck what do I know I'm just a stupid drunk. I've also been told by Wikipedia that simultaneously, so meaning at the same time as banging out free jazz in trash can trios he is also working in "around" a dozen other bands with genres which include the jazz, the electronic, the indie and the rock.
Here's some Dave King trivia, according to his father, which is kind of like "According to Jim" but his father is not a horrifically awful sitcom starring a guy who's done nothing for us since he pretended to get run over by a car in that Curly Sue movie, thus exposing us to the cutest little ringlet-headed cutie pie ever to grace Hollywood with her fucking annoying fucking dimples and shit:
* David King has had perfect pitch ever since he was young, or circa four-to-six years old (Citation needed, as I have it on good authority that he developed this talent at the age of -6 months, in other words as a fetus, while humming along to the Zager and Evans hit In the Year 2525 (Exordium and Terminus), in perfect pitch, before he had even developed tiny little lips, oh, Citation needed on that part too). * David King has described himself as "a musician who expresses himself through the drums."
According to Wikipedia, Dave King has played with jazz, electronic, indie and rock bands including:
* The Bad Plus * Happy Apple * 12 Rods * Love-Cars * F*K*G * Bill Carrothers' "The Electric Bill" * Craig Taborn * Meat Beat Manifesto * Halloween, Alaska * Ursus Minor * Haley Bonar * The Gang Font, feat. Interloper * Mason Jennings
Of these thirteen bands, five are bands about which the girls go goddamn fucking batshit crazy. (Citation - Girls I used to work with) Especially that last one, because I guess he is just so cute. (Citation - A girl named Laura in particular, we used to open together on Saturdays)
Now on to more important matters - I am here making the assertion that Dave King is TOTALLY GAAAAAYZERS.
When he was a child, he was in the boy scouts or some variation thereof. Boy scouts, and variations thereof often have competitions for badges and ribbons and whatnot. Well, Dave King, as a child, was a participant in some sort of soap box derby. When you are in the boy scouts, scout leaders like to maintain a competitive spirit while also ensuring that everyone walks away with some sort of prize. As such, the boy scouts gave away prizes such as "Best Use of Color" and "Most Spirit" in addition to the obvious prizes of fastest, and second fastest, and third fastest and so on. Dave King painted his car a bright and proud shade of red, and indeed drove this car with as much spirit as he could muster, but ultimately lost this derby so horribly and embarrassingly that they could find no prize to award him except "Drove on Four Wheels." This would be, on its own, a sad award, and so obviously a "there's nothing better we can come up with but to state the obvious" commendation, save for one fact - Dave King used to be in a wheelchair, and so he was actually driving that car on eight wheels not four.
But this is not why Dave King, perfect pitch drummer extraordinaire, is TOTALLY GAAAAAYZERS. Rather, it is because when a person who totally would have kicked his ass eight ways from Sunday in a derby match (on account of all the wheels, as he was before his special surgery just a sad little crippled boy) says "STRIP CLUB" on a mid-week evening, he doesn't roll his drummin' ass on down to the Washington Avenue strip and buy that person a lap dance from that nurse with the crooked teeth. GAAAAAYZERS.
And this is what you get when you tell a heart-wrenching story from your childhood but then end the final sentence in "put that in your blog."
Can we talk some more about Rush now? Dave King is also totally GAAAAAYZERS if he doesn't get himself a rotating drum riser THE END!
Volcano Insurance @ Kitty Cat Klub, uh...free? and uh...9:00? Caught these guys last night in the Clown Lounge. Good stuff! Check it out.
The Invincible Kids, The Sextons, The Bloody Turncoats and The Brutes, The cover is not disclosed, The doors are at 9:00.
and down below...
Clown Lounge Comedy Night with Tommy Ryman, Jimmy Lian, Andy Erikson, Gretchen Henke, Brooks Robinson and Tom Steffen, emceed by Nils Lindahl @ Clown Lounge (Turf Club), the cover is a mystery, the show starts around 10.
Eddy Burke and the Consequences @ Lee's Liquor Lounge, zero bucks, 9:30.
SKIRT Tour Kickoff, Me and My Arrow and Four Stars (members of Tapes 'n Tapes, Zibra Zibra) @ Uptown Bar, 5 bucks, 9:00. Linnea's in this band. She is such a nice girl.
Fat Kid Wednesdays followed by Volcano Insurance followed by Fat Kid Wednesdays @ Turf Club/Clown Lounge/Jazz Implosion, 5 bucks, 10:30 is when the music starts.
Movies in the Park with Mark Mallman followed by screening of All the King's Men @ Loring Park, zero bucks, 7:00.
Kid Dakota @ Barbette, zero bucks, 10:00.
Film School, The Alpha Centauri and Solid Gold @ 7th St Entry, 8 bucks, 8:00.
The Singularity (from California), The Throwaways, The Rock & Roll Whores @ Triple Rock, 6 bucks, 9:00. Rock & Roll Whores...um I think I know some ladies who should be at this. Oh, just joshin' you, friends. (But you know who you are...)
Rancid and MxPx @ Myth, 19.99 bucks (does the penny make a difference? Perhaps this is clever marketing I do not understand from the nightclub that sits next to Toys 'R Us), 7:00. When I think of Rancid I think of the U.K. Subs. When I think of the U.K. Subs I think of their cover of Sabre Dance on 12". I lost this song during the great punk music dump of 1996 when I decided to shun punk in favor of bebop and cool jazz. I get a little weepy whenever someone plays Screeching Weasel on the jukebox at the Triple Rock. When I think of MxPx I think of Jesus. Did I get that right?
Anyway, I haven't heard the U.K. Subs doing Sabre Dance since I was 16. The closest I could find is Love Sculptures. Not bad, but not anywhere near the awesomeness I remember from my pre-jazz days. Hey, I was trying to be a SERIOUS JAZZ BASSIST. I was transcending that punk crap, progressing beyond those schmucks who played their basses with picks, learning Steve Rodby's crazy bass parts with Pat Metheny. Now thinking about Rancid has made me nostalgic for Pat Metheny. But for now I'm listening to the Dixie Chicks. I KNOW YOU'RE TOTALLY ADMIRING MY ECLECTICISM RIGHT NOW. Admit it.
Oh, which Dixie Chicks song? This one.
Good stuff.
And finally, there's some stuff happening at Big V's, right, but they need to update their website(myspace) page so I can confirm the details and not dispense inaccurate information. I would like to recommend Big V's nonetheless - I've been there twice in the last month, my first time back since my ex-boyfriend played in a variety of go-nowhere bands when I was still in college (no offense to my ex-boyfriend's go-nowhere bands, but really, aren't most bands of the go-nowhere variety? And moving on...). The door guy upon first visit talked shit about the short hair I sported on my ID, and last night talked shit about politics. I was told by strangers that I have great calves and a pretty face (and that passerby on University at midnight is an expert on pretty faces, he knows pretty faces, per his disclaimer before he stumbled away to the next dive, toothpick dangling from lip). Encounters like this immediately endear me to a place in spite of its 110 degree sticky interior, and make me glad we've become reacquainted. Oh, and the ladies' bathroom is clean. Speaking relatively, of course. A male friend went across the street to Perkins to use the bathroom which either means the men's bathroom is nasty, or he needed to take a big dump. I cannot speak authoritatively on this matter.
Shit, that one's over. Probably one of the best shows only the chosen few chose to attend. Gay Witch Abortion cancelled at the last minute and all hell was breaking loose. Then Chuck Kanski of Solo Vino in St. Paul showed up with a couple cases of chilled french rose and Sam Newman of Bulldog NE showed up with a bucket of Italian meatloaf in holy christ mushroom sauce and a big bowl of pita pizze fries and dipping sauce. Oh, did I mention the Yoleus are one of the most talented pile of musicianship in the world and Amen and the Hell Yeahs are on the exact opposite spectrum in technicalities, but made it up in STDs and self-fulfillment.
Those of you that weren't there missed something special
the meat raffle we sold no tickets to
so now I have a free range whole chicken in my fridge
win win
I take back my original intent, please stay home on sunday night and don't eat and drink with us in November for our post-rock post thanksgiving show?
Hey! Look at all these half-flyers! They were so beautiful and colorful but look, I didn't care to shrink them from their original size yet still wanted to include them. I am a shithead. Ha Ha Ha.
WEEKEND
Saturday
Crustacean Records Drown Out the Daylights DVD Release Party with Drunk Drivers, Birthday Suits, Ouija Radio, Awesome Snakes and Droids Attack @ Stasiu's, DVD screening starts at 8:00 with bands starting around 10, 8 bucks.
Dance Band, One for the Team, Lookbook and The Summerset @ Turf Club, ??bucks, 9:00.
Crescent Moon Is in Big Trouble, Mel Gibson & the Pants and City on the Make @ Triple Rock, 5 bucks, 9:00.
Chris Thomson Trio @ Cafe Maude, zero bucks, 9:00.
Ol' Yeller, Kruddler, Popcycle (CD Release) and the Hearers @ Uptown Bar, 5 bucks, 9:00.
Now, Now Every Children, One for the Team and Hope for the Future @ the Entry, 7 bucks, 5:00.
The Revamps, The Vignettes and Maps of Norway @ Eclipse Records, 4 bucks, 7:00.
Lumberjack Days in Stillwater with Boz Scaggs and Al Jardine and His Endless Summer Band @ Lowell Park, 10 bucks, 5:00.
Bearded Lady Motorcycle Rally and Block Party with The Corpse Show Creeps, The Rockford Mules, The Evening Rig, Tim Rally Gold, The Brass Kings, Al's Rock-a-Billy Quartet, Le Cirque Rouge Cabaret & Burlesque, Miss Honey Combs and Ballet of the Dolls @ 331 Club, zero bucks, noon. Also $4 Bloody Mary Bar until 6, $2.50 Madras.
Dragons Power Up!, Power of 2, Kill to Kill and Sir Effort Monstrosity @ Big V's, 5 bucks, 9:00.
Beatrix Jar, Future Antiques and Mayda @ Kitty Cat Klub, 5 bucks, 9:00.
Sunday
Gastro Non Grata with Gay Witch Abortion, Yoleus and Amen and the Hell Yeahs @ Triple Rock, zero bucks, 6:00 PLUS FREE FOOD, FREE WINE AND A MEAT RAFFLE! I think this is too good to be true. I think I will show up for this too-good-to-be-true event, be instead doled my free kick in the pants, and then be sent home. Just kidding. This is for real. Check it out.
Coffinberry, The Softrocks and ...Brokers @ Big V's, 5 bucks, 9:00.
Muja Messiah (CD Release), with guest hosts Brother Ali and I Self Devine and performances by Black Blondie, M.anifest, Maria Isa and DJ Turtleneck @ First Ave, 8/10 bucks, 8:00.
Crustacean Records Drown Out the Daylights DVD Screening @ Stasiu's, zero bucks, 4:00. $3 Bloody Mary Bar.
This is going to be a good time, Chuck Kanski of Solo Vino will be pouring and expounding the virtues of Rose from all grape varietals and countries while Sam Newman of Bulldog NE prepares an Italian style meatloaf from his menu and also the Pizza Nachos he makes himself when he's bleary-eyed drunk on Friday nights at 3 a.m.
If that's not enough for you, there's also a pretty good rock show throughout, Amen and the Hell Yeahs will probably be drunk, the Yoleus will be instrumentally mind blowing and Gay Witch Abortion will make do what they always do and bring it.
Oh Yeah, there's also going to be a meat raffle throughout the show and "sass" mics set up in the audience. We'll see you there.
THEMES and Lookbook @ the 331, zero bucks, 10:00. THEMES are moving to Portland soon so catch them before they go. Lookbook is moving to The Moon soon so catch them before they go. Just kidding. About Portland. These are two of my favorite local bands.
Strut & Shock, Baby Guts, Complete Waste and Totally Harsh @ Eclipse Records, 4 bucks, 7:00. Just saw Strut & Shock at the Hex, and they rock superhard.
The Hard Left, The Red Flags, High on Stress and The Snaps @ Big V's, 5 bucks, 9:00.
Benefit show for the family of Chris Johnson of Useless Wooden Toys with Spacewolf and Complete Waste @ Uptown Bar, 9:00. No cover, but please donate what you can afford as 100% of the money raised at this event will be given to Chris' wife Michelle.
Earlimart, The Wars of 1812 and Western Fifth @ Triple Rock Social Club, 12 bucks, 9:00.
Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti, Chairlift and Velvet Davenport @ the Entry, 10 bucks, 9:00.
To Kill a Petty Bourgeoisie, Tiger Gang and Magic Castles @ Turf Club, you'll pay however much they fucking tell you to pay goddamnit, but doors as always are at 9:00.
Chris Thomson, Anthony Cox, JT Bates and Bryan Nichols @ Cafe Maude, zero bucks, 9:00. Chris Thomson has a kind heart.
The Pines and Solid Gold @ the Nomad, 9:00.
Lucy Michelle & the Velvet Lapelles (CD Release Show), Bouncer Fighter and Tentacle Boy @ the Bedlam Theater, 8/10 bucks, 7:00.
Sorry about the late notice on this. The Summer Slaughter Tour @ First Ave, 20/25 bucks, started at 1:30. Whoa. Sponsored by Hot Topic.
Lumberjack Days in Stillwater with Bodeans, Soul Asylum and Shook Twins @ um, Lumberjack Days, in Stillwater, 10 bucks, 5:00.
Landing Gear, The Screens, The Jacobins and Chemistry Set @ Stasiu's, 5 bucks, 9:00.
Front Porch Swingin' Liquor Pigs @ the Eagles Club - the Nest (in south Minneapolis), 7:00.
Frampton's playing Mystic Lake, 34-46 bucks, 8:00.
Skid Row's playing the Pickle Park, 15/20 bucks, 8:00. Jesus. Why am I just hearing about this now? I need to get on that Pickle Park mailing list. Yes they have a mailing list and you get a FREE APPETIZER just for joining, a FREE ENTREE on your birthday and anniversary, and updates on special events at the Pickle Park all year long! If you include your cell, you'll also receive texts with complimentary cover charge to live music events! PS Skid Row is sans Sebastian Bach. My mass text spam to friends reading SKIDROWISPLAYINGTHEPICKLEPARKTONIGHTYOUGUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!! Was met with "Dude, with Sebastian Bach or without Sebastian Bach." WHATEVER!
MC/VL @ 600 Washington Ave N (enter through rear loading docks), zero bucks, 7:30, plus FREE FOOD. Sponsored by WalMart. Er... the NRA. Er... don't ask me I never know what's going on.
The Blind Shake, The Witch Hats (from Australia), France Has the Bomb and Double Bird @ Turf Club, turdy (point) bucks or whatever, 9:00.
MMAA Patio Nights with Kid Dakota and Story of the Sea @ Minnesota Museum of American Art (downtown St. Paul), 7 bucks, 7:00.
Hillstomp and The Brass Kings @ Lee's Liquor Lounge, 5 bucks, 9:00.
Janie Miller Trio @ 331, zero bucks, 9:00. Aaaaand dollar off all taps til 10, $2.50 Cosmos. I haven't been sloshed at the 331 in such a long time. Boyfriends are good for sober rides home but not for much else, no?
EZ Crusher, Sirens of Titan, Visideon @ Uptown Bar, zero bucks, 9:00. Here's the sweet poster.
This is officially the first time I've written about dancing. On this taxidermy blog, and indeed, probably ever. Anyway, The Southern Theater has a dance series this month called Momentum: New Dance Works. I'm mentioning a dance project here because Danny Sigelman contributed his talents as a musician and, check it, set designer, to this project. I'll bet a few of you reading this know Danny because he's a nice guy and nice guys tend to have a lot of friends. But because our readership is quite large and we get hits from folks all over the world looking for tips on field preparation of pheasants, let me introduce you hunting folk to Danny. He's a nice guy and he likes music and makes music. That wasn't much of an introduction so you can read more about him and the project here and also here. The Southern Theater is in Minneapolis, tickets are 18 bucks (14 if you are a Walker or Southern member), and the show runs Thursday-Sunday at 8:00. Dance.
ACORN's Be Heard! Concert Series featuring Omaur Bliss, Gingerjake, Tru Ruts Crew, Autumn Compton and The Most Wanted with DJ Drea, plus speeches from local leaders and voter registration, @ 7th Street Entry, 8 bucks, 6:00. ACORN, or the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now, is the nation's largest community organization of low- and moderate-income families, working together for social justice and stronger communities.
Cinema and Civics with The High Crimes followed by a screening of Purple Rain @ Stevens Square Park, zero bucks, 8:00.
Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers and Steve Winwood @ Target Center, 55-99 bucks, 6:30. You know, I complain often about ticket prices but I would consider seeing this show at this price. Consider, but then not do it. But I bet it's going to be a really good show. And now, it's time for you to develop a crush on 60s-era Steve Winwood.
And my final argument:
Unlike others of my sixties-era crushes, he's still looking good on his latest album cover, at sixty.
And moving on...
I do not in any way stand by the validity of this information as I have found conflicting accounts online but I believe Northern Cargo
is playing perhaps though maybe not with Mouth Babies, Red Life, Voidest and Tiger Gash @ Big Vs, 5 bucks, 9:00.
I'm guessing that if you were planning to go you've already purchased your tickets, but in case this is all news to you here's the scoop:
Four-day music only pass - $120 One-day music only pass - $60 Camping plus four-day pass - $170 plus $50 per vehicle/group entering VIP campground plus four-day pass - $425 plus $50 per vehicle/group entering VIP electrical permit (for your phone charger and whatnot I s'pose) - $55
I really like the Flaming Lips a lot and once drove all the way to Oklahoma to see them. But that was when they played their big fancy show in the zoo. They were shooting their live DVD. They had created a large, UFO-type light apparatus out from which they climbed before taking the stage. I learned at a party afterwards that Wayne Coyne had given us a shoutout from the stage though I was too blissed-out on cheap beer and laser pointers - and confetti cannons! and balloons! and people dressed like animals! and oh I'll stop now before I reveal what a geek I am - to notice. In short, what I'm trying to say is that for as much as I love this band, I don't think a festival show in northern Minnesota at $120 is gonna cut it. Although I'm still fan enough to drive out to that place next to Toys R Us to see them when the opportunity presents itself. Laser pointers! Confetti cannons! But Myth does not have cheap beer, and I think their allowed capacity per fire code as compared to how the club is laid out and where people ACTUALLY STAND, YOU KNOW, SO THEY CAN SEE AND HEAR THE BAND is totally fucked up, and then you know what it's like to be a sardine.
Oh and Phil Lesh? Mickey Hart? What was that band they were in oh groan... hey! But here's a long lost memory I've just now remembered! When I was a kid I used to confuse Mickey Hart and Stephen King.
Don't ask me - I was the weird kid who also confused Alan Thicke and Huey Lewis.
Sorry Fleet Foxes are hotstuff and so their show at the Entry is sold out. Demand appears greater than supply on craigslist. THEMES played with them (and Blitzen Trapper, good show) last spring and that show wasn't so packed. I was drunk (surprise!) and didn't pay any attention at all to Fleet Foxes. Apparently that was a mistake because evidently they are very good. I kept goosing Jacy and Kelsey was all "don't goose Jacy he likes this band and he's gonna get mad."
So maybe I like goosing boys. Don't hold it against me. It's funny.
Chiang Banger Block Party @ Lake & Girard 2-10, free, with Polara, Solid Gold, Ouija Radio, The Mood Swings, Shortcuts, Fuck Knights, Frontier, Caroline Smith, Bitch City, Grey Skies, and emceed by comedian Chris Maddock.
I haven't time to update you on shows tonight because Willie and all you can eat prime rib buffet is calling my name, and I still have to go buy whiskey to smuggle. But holy shit if there isn't a lot of good stuff going on this weekend! The Blues Fest in Lake Elmo, and if you don't want to drive to Lake Elmo a lot of the performers are playing at other venues around town as well. And - be still my heart - Blues Traveler is playing at Aquatennial downtown tonight. First Gin Blossoms, now this. My nostalgia is killing me. I was unwittingly a performer in a pornographic video at Aquatennial once. Good story involving me in a skirt and some dude with a camera in his shoe.
Charlie Parr and Reverend Deadeye @ 331 Club, zero bucks, 9:00? Plus dollar off all taps 'til 10, 2.50 Cosmopolitans. Pretty sure I got pretty sauced on that drink special once.
Hot Club of Cowtown @ the Dakota, 20 bucks for the 7:00 show, 15 bucks for the 9:30 show. Also tomorrow night, also at the Dakota.
Willie's playing at Grand Casino Hinckley tomorrow night. I do believe it is sold out though folks are selling tickets on craigslist. I planned ahead, so I will be floating on this river 'round 'bout 9PM.
Tickets for the August 2 Melvins/Big Business show @ Grumpy's downtown are on sale now at Grumpy's and at indietickets.com.
Grumpy's is not very big. It's no fun getting turned away at the door. Back when I wasn't yet an alcoholic but had just turned 21 and was so very excited to be able to see my favorite band at Grumpy's but was then turned away at the door because, having just turned 21, I was used to going to those 18+ shows no one wants to go to and always getting in no matter how last minute and thus didn't think to get tickets well this is a pretty long run-on sentence but in short being turned away from the Melvins show at Grumpy's back when I was 21 made me very grumpy and I don't want you to be grumpy so you should get your tickets in advance while they are available, unless of course you're not a really big Melvins fan in which case I'm glad you're a fan of my run-on sentences and still reading this far and hey, don't worry about it, go do something else on August 2nd I'm sure there's something else cool going on (and no that's not a link to the Judas Priest show at Myth nor is it a link to the Nine Inch Nails show at Target Center as to point these out would be far too obvious and hey, isn't it cool that Nine Inch Nails probably can't sell out Target Center but the Melvins can totally sell out Grumpy's hell yeah it is!).
In case you haven't been geeking over the Melvins since you were an adolescent geek in a small town in South Dakota, here's the scoop. They're a sludge metal band formed in Washington when I was a wee babe. They've had a lot of bass players including Shirley Temple's daughter and that is weird. Lots of people not in-the-know came to know them because these people not in-the-know tended to be in-the-know with regards to another Washington band called Nirvana and that band has a handful of connections to Melvins. The singer/guitar player has very large hair and goes by the name of King Buzzo. The drummer is named Dale Crover and he plays the drums very well and most times that I've seen him he plays drums in his underwear or something though I honestly don't know if he still does these days and so I won't make any promises. This is not important, clearly, as the important thing is that he's a crazy good drummer whether in his skivvies or fully clothed.
Here is a YouTube collection of my favorite Melvins songs.
(I really miss being a teenager and that's the last time you'll hear me admit it.)
Just kidding.*
And I'll make no apologies for the fact that after nearly 15 years I still think Stoner Witch is the greatest album ever. I will never grow up. (I really miss being a teenager and so when I said that before it was actually the second to last time you'd hear me admit it.)
Oh, and now they're playing with Coady Willis and Jared Warren of Big Business, who played with them on the recently released Nude With Boots as well as their preceding album (A) Senile Animal, and who will be joining them at Grumpy's.
Okay, so if you're still reading this, you must either really like these Melvins or be a fan of my unorganized and never-get-to-the-point writing style. Former - go get tickets soon and I'll see you there. Latter - come down anyway and talk to me in person because believe me when I tell a story I tell the shit out of a motherfucking story and you will marvel at the fact that it took me twenty minutes to explain a conversation or event that in real-time only took two.
I'll be the one dressed like King Buzzo because sometimes I like to dress like my favorite rockstar idols because I am weird.
*See, this is what came up on the YouTube when I searched for Goose Freight Train and I totally learned that song when I was that kid's age. I still remember the words. Alfred's Basic Piano Library Level 1A Recital Book, was it? "Listen to the whistle, something something...". Glad I can still pull that out of my ass. Thanks Mom for the decade of piano lessons! See how they pay off...
It's pretty platitudinal to say the Beatles are the greatest band ever or that Ringo is your favorite Beatle, no? Sure, I love the Beatles. Ringo is most definitely not my favorite Beatle because you can march to all the songs he wrote and that shtick gets a little tiresome. At any rate, to go on about them isn't all that original, unless of course you're arguing with someone who claims the Beatles were insignificant and not-all-that good in which case you just have to pull out a "go listen to (insert any one of a number of really good Beatles songs here) and get over yourself already," OR you pull out a really great argument in defense of Ringo Starr & His All-Starr Band. I've yet to hear anyone go on at length about the significance of Ringo Starr & His All-Starr Band. I've had some great conversations about Ringo's great post-breakup solo stuff, including these Top Ten Hits:
It Don't Come Easy (warning: Ringo is so incredibly cute in this video that you might develop a little crush)
alternately,
Back Off Boogaloo
Photograph (I hereby terminate your crush as you see that people age, do questionable things with their hair)
You're Sixteen (to be fair, he was only 33 when this song came out)
No No Song (yeah, he's pretty much the cutest Beatle and I see why he received the most fan mail)
I've also had serious conversations about how Ringo made a better Mr. Conductor than George Carlin, rest his soul.
But I've never heard anyone extol that All-Starr Band.
Well, they're big alright and their show tonight at Mystic Lake, with tickets going for $75-89, is SOLD OUT.
Here's what you're missing out on, as the current incarnation of the All-Starr Band includes:
Billy Squier
Colin Hay
Hamish Stuart
Edgar Winter
Gary Wright
and session drummer Gregg Bissonette
I'm kicking myself for not getting tickets to this. I hypothesize however that in spite of that other remaining Beatle's vegetarian lifestyle, Ringo's gonna outlive him and I'll get my chance yet. Just hope Edgar Winter's not playing with the band at that point - dude creeps me out!
Also tonight...
The Alarmists @ Loring Park followed by screening of Duck Soup, zero bucks, 7:00.
Jesus H....KNIFE WORLD!!?!!? Where the hell have you been all my life, or rather, where the hell have I been?
Have you ever gone through a lull in which nothing, absolutely nothing- no bands, no movies, no drink specials or drag shows can get you out of the house? You know a band is starting in thirty minutes and you have more than enough time to get there before you miss anything, but you decide to check your e-mail or that "Ohnotheydidnt" page six or seven more times in case Brangelina had the twins or something...you really don't care, but if you can stall yourself for ten more minutes then there would be no point in leaving. Come on, there's no sense in driving all the way there to miss a song or two and catch only the majority of a good set. You'd rather hate yourself the next day when you read up on how amazing the band played and how that guy got up on stage and managed to break dance with two broken arms, and MY GOD that will never happen again. Eh, whatever. There are rapists, muggers, and the car accident potential out there is absolutely crippling. You're a dumb ass.
Anyway, there are always those bands that you see on what seems like every bill, but a year or two go by and somehow, you never catch them. This happened to me with Gay Witch Abortion. Obviously that's a name you see everywhere, I never checked them out- maybe it was the Born Again Christian inside of me that told me to avoid them because Jesus would NOT want me to support a band with a name like that. I'm serious, this thought went through my head. Thanks Mom. I was at 7th Street one night last winter for a book reading/nostalgia cover band show with Laurie Lindeen when some guy ran out the door with an extension cord...then I heard raw rock and roll. I went outside to check it out and sure enough, it was coming from a van. I never found out who they were that night but I thought about it every day. I googled "drums," "guitar," "rock," "Minneapolis," and "van" over and over just hoping, hoping that someone would have documented them, but nothing ever came up. I told a woman I worked with about it and she said she'd mention it to her husband, as he's very much "in the know," so to speak. I heard nothing for months, then FINALLY Google turned something up. (Different night, same van.) Of course, I relay my discovery to co-worker woman and she's all like "Ohhhhhh yeah, I forgot to tell you that's who they were..." sheesh.
So where was a going with this? Right. KNIFE WORLD IS THE BEST BAND IN THE WHOLE WORLD (to me at this very moment anyway...). They're one of those bands on random basement bills and occasionally playing on a weekday stage with some act you've caught somewhere else and didn't find them worth the five dollars to see again. I went so far as to hold on to Knife World's album at the Heliotrope show this year for at least FIVE MINUTES because the packaging itself is so amazing. 3D glasses are built into the center of the record, and the album artwork has dildos, sharks and dinosaurs on it...in 3D!!
After Saturday's Turf Club show, I can officially say that the bass player, metaphorically speaking, is dead. Not one of the four bands (Birthday Suits, Sic Alps, Knife World, or Wet Hair) had one, ironically...or not so ironically. Knife world is just raunchy fun garage-y in-you-face rock 'n' roll. The highlight of their set? They covered the Who's "Substitute," which not only is the CD in my CD player right now, but that specific song was playing when I got out of my car in the parking lot. NEIL PERT NEIL PERT NEIL PERT! This will forever be known as the summer of the "Neil Pert Phenomonons." (Another blog altogether.) It is worth paying five bucks and sitting through American Apparel trend rhyming to see them. And if you see their album for sale, buy it.
The other highlight of the evening? A person says to me, "hey, we're Myspace friends," and shakes my hand. I should have said, "does this mean we're 'realspace' friends now?" but I choked. I couldn't believe that had just happened. Priceless.
Karaoke @ The Rock Nightclub (in that strip mall in Maplewood), zero bucks. Holy shit you know this will be good. Looks like this happens most Sundays when a touring band isn't coming through, you know, in case you can't afford the gas to get you out there tonight. You can bet your ass I'm checking this out before the end of the summer.
Nikki & the RueMates @ Red Stag, zero bucks, 9:00 with drink specials starting at 10.
First Communion Afterparty (CD Release Show), Gospel Gossip and Flavor Crystals @ the Entry, 6 bucks, 8:00. A friend recently told me that at a public outing all the kids were dressed all First Communion Afterparty. I guess this means they've made it big. It also means I'm old and out of touch because I didn't have the slightest idea what he meant by that.
Mark Knopfler @ Orpheum Theatre, 65-110 bucks, 7:30. At those ticket prices, I'm willing to bet that cube men moving refrigerators and color TVs will not be in attendance this evening.
Charlie Parr and The Floorbirds @ the Nomad, 5 bucks, 9:00. When I go to see Charlie Parr there's always a small girl standing right by my ear shouting "hoop! hoop! hoop! hoop!" while stomping her feet and clapping her hands. I appreciate the enthusiasm, small girl, and yes it is good music, but if you hoop in my ear I will punch at your nose. I don't make threats; I make promises. When the hooping becomes too much for these ears, deafened by too many metal shows, well, noses get punched or if I'm feeling generous little toes get smashed by pointed heels. Please redirect your hooping toward the stage. We are not at a sparsely-attended outdoor hoe-down; we are in a shoulder-to-shoulder-packed indoor urban music venue. Thanks, enthusiastic small girl.
What's totally metal? Not showing up to your show. San Francisco's Hammers of Misfortune were no-shows at the Turf Club last night.
No matter. I gave 'em a listen on the myspace, and um, ladies. Ladies. You don't sing awesome like Lita Ford. If you're a lady and you don't sing awesome like Lita Ford I don't think you should touch metal music with a ten foot pole. By awesome I mean kickass. You have to sing kickass or you get no metal credibility. So the dudes in Hammers of Misfortune don't sing awesome or kickass either, but I gather that's their schtick. This is, like, music to play D&D to. So the pretty boy vocals are A-OK for rolling the twenty-sided die and all that. But pretty girl vocals in metal are no good. Again, think of your credibility. The metal dudes don't have to worry about their credibility - they just grow their hair out real long and wear black shirts with cutoff sleeves. If you're a metal chick you have to sing awesome and kickass like Lita Ford or else you just sound like another pretty girl singer and those are the rules. If that made sense to anyone but me then I'm glad we're on the same page.
No matter. Because the other bands on the bill were kickass and awesome. So I missed Brutal Becomings - a week of smell-testing new deer lures in Lubbock wore me out, and I always miss the first band on the bill because I'm slow. But they're kickass and awesome. Peter Leggett is in one thousand bands and they are consistently kickass and awesome, mostly on account of his neatly-trimmed beard. I did manage to catch Bastard Saint, and they were kickass and awesome. Tight. Tight + Kickass and Awesome = Good Metal Band. Check them out - they have a show tomorrow at the Hex, another next week at Stasiu's, followed by several August shows at Stasiu's, Triple Rock and then back at the Turf Club.
No matter. Because I really went to see Gay Witch Abortion anyway. I like Gay Witch Abortion more than I like
No. I hate vanilla cake so let's try again. I like Gay Witch Abortion more than I like
And oh-my-fucking-god I LOVE DAIRY QUEEN ICE CREAM CAKES. My stomach does not tolerate dairy but fuck me, I'll gladly put up with the next-day bloating that makes me look about to deliver a really fat baby for two pieces of Dairy Queen Ice Cream Cake. I like Gay Witch Abortion more than Dairy Queen Ice Cream Cake and Subsequent Belly Swelling.
I promise to talk about bands other than Gay Witch Abortion in this blog. They don't pay me to do this, I swear. That is in anything other than
Catch Stuffed Pheasant's Favorite Band at the Triple Rock on 7/27, as well as future dates at Big V's, Turf Club and the Uptown and see Stuffed Pheasant stuffing her face with bribery of the Little Debbie variety.
On another note, if you want some music to play D&D to check out SmashHammer. I don't think this ever got released - sad, because it's pretty brilliant - but if you want a copy shoot me an email and I'll see if I can hook you up.
Those are the rules for metal and how I feel about cake.
Macy's Day of Music with too many bands to name including Haley Bonar 7:00, Honeydogs 8:00, The Pines 8:00, Dr. Mambo's Combo 10:00, Spaghetti Western String Co. 10:00, Mystery Palace 10:30, Black Blondie 12:15AM, International Novelty Gamelan Ensemble 10:00AM all around Orchestra Hall, lineup, bios and audio clips here/
Basilica Block Party a few bands tonight, Gwen Stefani's Babydaddy (I vote he make this his band name and I don't care if he was big first; that was the 90s) and Gin Blossoms are tomorrow @ that big domed Catholic Church downtown, 30-60 bucks, tonight and all day tomorrow. If I am drunk and you can sing every Gin Blossoms hit, you will be my new best friend.
Oh my, oh my, when did it get to be 8:40PM? Nearly showtime all over town, unless you went to one of those shows that started around 7 in which case showtime is nearly over. I'll cheat you on information and convenience by leaving out the hyperlinks because, well, it's just so very late and there is just so much to do. There's a really good show about the Nazis on, too. Special forces and war crimes and whatnot.
Note - My favorite band is playing at the Turf Club tonight.
Gay Witch Abortion, Hammer of Misfortune, Bastard Saint and Brutal Becomings @ the Turf Club, running out of jokes to make about the fact that Turf Club never posts their cover, 9:00. I will be in the mood to listen to some good loud metal after learning all about the Nazis WHAT THE FUCK TPT YOU PROMISED ME MORE NAZI PROGRAMMING WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT CORAL REEFS AND CLEANER FISH? Oh, just a short they put in between programs before asking for money. Nazis up next. The Nazis were very bad. I don't like the Nazis.
Dragich and the Polemics and the Flyin' A's @ Lee's Liquor Lounge, 5 bucks, 9:00. When I go here strangers ask me to dance. I don't like strange implorations to dance.
Superhopper, The Saps, The Evening Rig and Noise Noise Noise @ Triple Rock, 5 bucks, 9:00. I've never had a stranger at the Triple Rock ask me to dance. I don't like strangers.
I've just disclosed far too much information about myself. Go see Gay Witch Abortion. Remember how much I like them? Waaaaay more than the Nazis.
Back from Lubbock a little earlier than planned because this dude gave me crabs. Ugh - I should know better than to trust a guy in a ghillie suit!
Ice Rod, Face Candy, Xtasy Sqodd! (featuring folks from Skoal Kodiak, Knife World, Melodious Owl, NOW and ZibraZibra), and Pet.s @ 7th Street Entry, 6 bucks, 8:00.
Well, I just spent 45 minutes posting everything that is happening tonight, then karma came and raped me of the whole thing. Probably because I said that you don't want to see Jimmy Eat World anyway, then proceeded to find the most awkward picture of Dave Coulier representing the band "Uncomfortable Uncle". Basically, for a good time, go to the Turf Club. They have the best bartenders and trivia tonight. There will also be lax guitar jam music upstairs after the questions. If you don't like their tunes, you can always make your way to the Clown Lounge downstairs for Jazz Implosion. Here, this has been in my head all day. So stereotypically dated and racisty...but I think they can do it and its alright?
Well the sky just dumped here, so it should cool off some. Bike and take bug spray. Gospel.
Last week I had the pleasure of going to see Old James, The Sextons andEconomy Team at the Uptown. It was a night full of unabashed rock, performed by some of the more audacious musicians in the area. Good (or at least decent) times were had by all!
The night began with an entertaining set from Old James. Unfortunately, this band will be parting ways at the end of the summer, so make sure to catch a performance while you can!
The smooth, rockin' tunes of The Sextons compelled this pair of love birds to take over the dance floor. The night ended with Economy Team (who aptly dub themselves the tax refund of rock!) performing a rousing set.
Their drummer shed a variety of apparel during the set, including a snazzy pair of shades.
For those of you unfamiliar with Economy Team (or hell, even if you are familiar), I highly suggest checking out their next performance. Be sure to bring earplugs!
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