Cock Locked and Ready to Rock.

Alright, we'll keep this short and sweet;

In western New York, about thirty minutes south of Rochester to be exact, there is a tiny town with a tiny taxidermy which somehow manages to book Ted Nugent to give speeches in a screen tent in the back yard. Every few years he closes down the town, and literally the only wheels on the road are four wheelers and lawn mowers...maybe an I-Roc or two. One year in particular, my brothers (who are twenty years older than I am, respectfully) let my friend and I tag along with them and their friends. When I say "tag along" I mean they allowed us to play hackey sack ten feet from the truck they were tailgating from.
I think this was the 2001 tour where he was promoting "Gods, Guns & Rock N Roll" as a guide to solving all problems, although I must argue Frank Zappa was much more successful in laying it out there in "The Real Frank Zappa Book."
Anyway, I remember so clearly seeing a man who was probably in his late seventies, or maybe a sun damaged mid-sixties, whose face looked kind of like Christopher Walkin's, but he had hair like Father Time. He was dressed in full Native American garb, with a bow on his back that you knew he was going to do something with. He was actually one of the ones who rolled up in a red I-Roc, although this is besides the point.
My friend and I waited around for my brother to come out of the Taxidermy, which he eventually did with four copies of Nuge's book, all autographed, and not one copy for me. I asked him if he had seen Father Time in there and he told me this:
FT had given Ted an Aspirin which he placed on the top of his thumb. When FT had the bow drawn and nodded to Nuge, Ted flicked the tiny pill into the air and FT shot straight through it with an arrow. Dust. I shit you not.
I wanted to stick around to see that guy come out of the shop, but there was an after party at FoXy's, the strip bar in the neighboring town where, if you sit close enough, you can tell how many months along the girls are. I obviously did not go with my brother because that would be twisted and illegal, seeing as how I was probably sixteen when this day went down.

I was instructed that my first post be about Ted- sorry he's only a minor character. Its entirely too early for me to be doing this, since I was up until I have no idea what time with a bunch-o-strangers on my back porch and several cases of PBR. Yesterday afternoon, two friends and I went to a wonderful happy hour. All was going well until Amber realized she was chewing on glass...so the waitress told us to drink up because our bill was covered. Sweet sweet free Long Islands. We ended up coming back to my porch with an entourage, and those people called their friends, etc. If you want people to leave, play Dream Theater really loud, and make an ass out of anyone who says they don't appreciate it.

It's like Queensryche and algebra, either you get it or you don't. Speaking of which, I just had two free tickets to Dream Theater a few weeks ago could not find one person who would be willing to check it out. C'mon!!! FREE TICKETS. While I've never seen them live, usually on Christmas or other family holiday gatherings, my family will end up around the television watching some band's new concert DVD...this past Christmas it was Dream Theater, and the I think for Thanksgiving it was...Rush? I just remember my mom coming downstairs and asking what we were all watching, my 43 year old brother shhhhhhing her saying, "it's a concept album mom, you wouldn't understand."

And to cover the local part...I promise to talk about the Heroine Sheiks show I saw on Saturday at the Turf Club. Holy mixed feelings! Yikes!