Grandmother's review of tonight's show at the Turf Club - she is not drunk on account of her Coumadin.

Oh, kiddies.
I missed the Everybells and the Whistles because I didn't get my big rear end down to the Turf Clubs in time. I was busy watching my stories, you see, and couldn't leave the house until eleven. You see, I had to sleep in late this morning and I missed my stories at their regular time, 11:00AM, CBS, because I was sleeping in late. Why sleeping in late, Grandma? Well, I stayed up late drinking O'Doul's, that's why. I can't have real beer on account of my Coumadin. So I wasn't hungover but did stay up late drinking my O'Doul's and that's why I had to stay home to watch my stories and missed the Everybells and the Whistles.
I arrived in time to order an O'Doul's (on account of my Coumadin you know up until my blood started clotting I could drink better'n the rest of you did I mention my daddy was a bootlegger during the Prohibition?) and watch the Private Dancers, who are a very nice band indeed. But I wonder why that lovely curly haired brown-eyed singer doesn't sing more. He has a very nice voice and handsome brown eyes. He should use what our Good God gave him and sing more, and ask the sound engineers at the Turf Clubs to turn up his mic. Don't you think? But then, what do I know? I'm just an old woman. Don't pay any attention to me.
After the Private Dancers the band Cryptacize played their lovely music. It was lovely but it did not sit very well with my O'Doul's and Coumadin. This music is quite quirky and high-pitched quirky female singers have a tendency to remind me of the Deerhoofs anyway and that little girl is very sweet but someone should feed her some apple kuchen do you see how her thighs don't touch in the middle? So tiny! Where is her mother?
And finally, the band the Weather is Happenings played. Don't tell my doctor, but I just might have exchanged my O'Doul's for a Budweiser which as you probably know does not sit well with my Coumadin and so I can recall describing to a young man that I liked the Weather is Happenings just fine and dandy, but it was nothing I'd go out of my way to see unless I was dating the guitar player. I wish! His curly moustache makes me nostalgic for the 1870s. Swoon!