8/22/08

FRIDAY

I am late as always but wish to add to Flanagan's list below. If you ever see my friend Flanagan, please ask him to describe for you the difference in smell and taste between a woman's anus and vagina. It's my favorite story to relay at taxidermy conferences for the apt "meat" reference.

Records and Music and Stuff! 10,000+ LPs, Music Memorabilia, Used, Rare and Out-of-Print books with gojohnnygo.com in conjunction with Let It Be Records and Speedboat Books, sale on Friday 8/22 3-9PM, Saturday 8/23 10AM-6PM and Sunday 8/24 12-6PM @ the Cedar Cultural Center. Special performance by Self Sound Orchestra on Friday 7-9PM.

Company Inc., Loto Ball Show, Tough Tough Skin and The Softrocks @ Triple Rock Social Club, 6 bucks, 9:00.

One for the Team, We All Have Hooks For Hands and THEMES @ 7th Street Entry, 6 bucks, 5:00 (AA) 9:00 (21+).

These Modern Socks, Wishbook and Future Antiques @ Turf Club, 9:00.

Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings @ the State Fair (one of the free stages), 8:30.

The Buzzard Brothers, Acoustic Death Orchestra and Cave Music @ Eagles Aerie 33 (St. Paul), 5 bucks, 9:00.

The Slats, Rank Strangers, She Swings, She Sways and The Shortcuts @ Uptown Bar, 5 bucks, 9:00.

And in honor of Brad Paisley's evening performance in the State Fair Grandstand (45 bucks, with Jewel - who thinks she's a country music singer now just like Jessica Simpson - Chuck Wicks and Julianne Hough, 7:30), here are the lyrics to his hit single "I'm Still A Guy." Enjoy.

When you see a deer you see Bambi
And I see antlers up on the wall
When you see a lake you think picnic
And I see a large mouth up under that log
You're probably thinking that you're going to change me
In some ways well maybe you might
Scrub me down, dress me up but no matter what
I'm still a guy

When you see a priceless French painting
I see a drunk, naked girl
You think that riding a wild bull sounds crazy
And I'd like to give it a whirl
Well love makes a man do some things he ain't proud of
And in a weak moment I might walk your sissy dog, hold your purse at the mall
But remember, I'm still a guy

I'll pour out my heart
Hold your hand in the car
Write a love song that makes you cry
Then turn right around knock some jerk to the ground
'Cause he copped a feel as you walked by

I can hear you now talking to your friends
Saying, "Yeah girls he's come a long way"
From dragging his knuckles and carrying a club

And building a fire in a cave
But when you say a backrub means only a backrub
Then you swat my hand when I try
Well, what can I say at the end of the day
Honey, I'm still a guy

I'll pour out my heart
Hold your hand in the car
Write a love song that makes you cry
Then turn right around knock some jerk to the ground
'Cause he copped a feel as you walked by

These days there's dudes getting facials
Manicured, waxed and botoxed
With deep spray-on tans and creamy lotiony hands
You can't grip a tacklebox

With all of these men lining up to get neutered
It's hip now to be feminized
I don't highlight my hair
I've still got a pair
Yeah honey, I'm still a guy

Oh my eyebrows ain't plucked
There's a gun in my truck
Oh thank God, I'm still a guy


Thank God for guys, Brad Paisley. I love 'em.